ICU Trauma

ICU Trauma: Why Do I Feel So Strange After My Surgery?

If you’re struggling with unsettling memories, distressing dreams, or an overwhelming sense of disorientation after a stay in intensive care, you are not alone. Many people experience lingering psychological effects following major surgery or a critical care admission.

Questions like “Why do I feel so strange after my operation?”, “Why do my memories frighten me so much after surgery?” or “Why can’t I recover after my hospital stay?” are common. These feelings can be deeply unsettling, but they are also completely understandable.

Understanding ICU Trauma

After a significant medical event, your mind and body work hard to process what has happened. However, due to the extreme conditions of critical care—pain relief medications, trauma to you physically and emotionally, sleep deprivation, periods of unconsciousness, and missing memory (where you were sedated or unconscious)—your experiences may not be fully integrated.

This can leave you feeling lost, disconnected, or traumatised after time in hospital.

You may experience intrusive thoughts, flashbacks, or distressing dreams related to your time in intensive care. This is because, in the face of trauma, your brain does not always process experiences as a clear, chronological story. Instead, emotions, sensations, and fragments of memory may remain unprocessed, leading to distressing symptoms.

Common Symptoms of ICU Trauma

Flashbacks or intrusive thoughts about your hospital stay
Disturbing or vivid nightmares
Anxiety, panic attacks, or sudden feelings of fear
A sense of detachment or dissociation (feeling unreal or as if the world isn’t real)
Difficulty sleeping or overwhelming fatigue
Hypervigilance (feeling constantly on edge)
Emotional numbness or avoidance of anything that reminds you of your hospital experience
Depression or a sense of hopelessness
Feeling unsafe, even in familiar environments
Struggles with memory or confusion about what happened

Recent or Past Trauma: The Hidden Impact of Early Hospital Experiences

Not all hospital trauma is recent. For you, a stay in intensive care may bring back distressing memories of an earlier hospital experience—perhaps one you have never spoken about before. Childhood medical trauma, such as being left in hospital alone, undergoing painful procedures, or feeling vulnerable and frightened, can leave lasting emotional scars. Over time, these experiences may have been pushed aside, but a new hospitalisation can bring them flooding back.

This unresolved trauma can show up in many ways—fear of hospitals, avoiding medical tests, anxiety around doctors, or even delaying necessary surgery because of an overwhelming sense of dread. If you feel an unexplained fear of medical settings, it may be linked to a past hospital experience that your mind and body have not yet fully processed.

The good news is that trauma-focused therapy can help, no matter when the trauma occurred. Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing (EMDR) is particularly effective in treating both recent and past trauma, helping your brain integrate these experiences in a way that reduces distress. If you are struggling with medical fears or past hospital-related anxiety, seeking treatment can help you regain a sense of control and ease.

How ICU Trauma Affects Safety, Security, and Sense of Self

A stay in critical care can disrupt your sense of who you are. Your body has endured something significant, and so has your mind. You may feel disconnected from yourself, your past, or even your future. It can be challenging to trust your body again after a medical crisis, and the unfamiliar emotions that arise can be overwhelming.

ICU trauma can also impact feelings of safety. The helplessness of being in a hospital bed, being monitored, or relying on medical professionals for survival can leave a lasting imprint. Even once physically recovered, the emotional scars can remain, making everyday life feel more unpredictable or unsafe.

How Trauma-Focused Therapy Can Help

The good news is that trauma does not have to define your recovery. Trauma-focused therapy can help your mind to make sense of what has happened in a way that brings you back to a sense of safety and self.

My preferred approach depends on your experience. For some Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing (EMDR) works most effectively. This is a specialised trauma therapy that helps process distressing memories and reduce their emotional intensity. There are a range of options available so get in touch if you want to talk through what will be best for you.