Do you ever sit wondering why?
Have you ever wondered why your mind seems to lean towards negativity? Why certain thoughts seem to play on repeat, filling your days with doubt, fear, or self-criticism? You’re not alone. Negative thinking is a common experience, and it can feel overwhelming.
But what if I told you that these thoughts are like instructions—an internal script that your mind and body are following to navigate life? And the good news? You’re not stuck with them. There are ways to work with these thoughts, whether by stepping back from them or by rewriting the script entirely.
The Instruction Manual of Your Mind
Think of your thoughts as the instructions your mind and body are using to interpret the world. These instructions are formed over time, shaped by experiences, upbringing, and even evolutionary survival mechanisms. They influence how you feel, react, and behave in different situations. If your instruction manual contains pages filled with self-doubt, fear, or negativity, it’s no surprise that these patterns show up in your daily life. The question then becomes: how can we work with these thoughts in a healthier way?
If the manual your mind is running was developed in a situation where avoidance, doubt, and self-control were necessary for survival, then it’s understandable why these patterns persist. But here’s the key: unlike a PC that automatically updates, your mind won’t change on its own—unless you take intentional steps to update it. This might be through self-reflection, mindful practices, or with the guidance of therapy. Change is possible, and you are not broken.
Changing Your Relationship with Thoughts
One way to deal with negative thinking is to step back from it. Instead of treating every thought as an absolute truth, you can learn to observe it as just a mental event. Techniques like mindfulness and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) help people create distance from their thoughts. Instead of being tangled up in them, you start noticing them as passing experiences, like clouds in the sky. This doesn’t mean you ignore them, but rather, you acknowledge them without letting them dictate your reality.
If you’re not ready for therapy, just becoming familiar with noticing your thoughts as ripples on a pond can be a helpful first step. Thoughts come and go—they are not you, and they are often not reality. As Mark Twain famously said, “I’ve had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened.” Recognising that many of our worries are just mental noise can help loosen their grip on us.
Updating the Instruction Manual
For some, mindfulness and defusion techniques provide enough relief. But others may find that their instruction manual needs a deeper rewrite. Negative thought patterns are often rooted in past experiences, especially trauma.
Trauma-focused approaches such as Internal Family Systems (IFS), EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing), Rapid Transformational Therapy sessions, or inner child work help uncover the origins of these negative instructions.
By revisiting and updating the way past experiences are stored in the brain, people can change the way they interpret present-day events.
In essence, it’s like editing outdated or incorrect information in a manual so that it serves you better.
Have you ever gone through your wardrobe and happily found and removed items that are no longer 'you' as you shop for things that fit your life better?
Our brain needs the same updating!
The Power of Choice
Recognising that thoughts are just instructions—not absolute truths—opens up the possibility for change.
Each line of script represents your mind's best effort to help you. But just like the well meaning advice of a friend, or a piece of advice you read on-line, you can choose to see it as simply that... an idea that you can choose to dismiss.
'Sticky thoughts'
It's not easy with 'stickier thoughts' that are hard to shake off. These are often rooted in hurtful past experiences and working with a therapist can help take the glue off, so these no longer 'stick'.
Whether you choose to step back from thoughts with mindfulness or actively rewrite the deeper scripts with trauma-focused therapy, you have options.
The way you think now is not set in stone, and you have the ability to shift it towards something healthier, more constructive, and ultimately, more aligned with the life you want to live.
If you’d like to talk more about strategies to cope or ways to update your manual, I am here to help.
Some Ideas:
Cultivating a Compassionate Inner Voice
Many of us have an inner critic that seems to thrive on shame rather than encouragement. Perhaps we never had a strong sense of being acceptable just as we are.
But here’s something important: it’s not your fault. These patterns of criticism developed over time as a way to protect you. However, just as the brain can learn to be self-critical, it can also learn to be self-compassionate—this is neuroplasticity in action.
For some, compassion may feel unfamiliar or even undeserved.
If you find it difficult to extend kindness to yourself, start small.
Notice that there is a part of you that is critical, and instead of fighting against it, try bringing curiosity to it.
Maybe you find it inside by generating it for someone you love. If you can find it inside, like a light switch you are searching for in the dark, you then have a choice to shine this light on yourself when you need it.
If compassion feels impossible, simply acknowledging that you find it hard to be kind to yourself is a powerful first step.
When self-judgment arises, try saying, “I see that I’m being hard on myself right now. Can I give myself the same permission for understanding that I extend to others?” Practising this repeatedly helps strengthen the compassionate part of your mind.
If you’re not ready for therapy, you can start by offering small moments of self-kindness.
You might visualise an older, wiser, kinder version of yourself from the future offering support.
You might visualise a person from your past, maybe a kind grandparent or teacher offering the understanding you need.
Even if you don’t fully believe it yet, simply making space for the possibility of self-compassion can be transformative.
The key is willingness—to try something new in the spirit of healing and to gently move towards a phase of life where you reparent yourself with understanding and patience.
You are not your thoughts:
A simple defusion technique from ACT to help with sticky thoughts is to say, “I notice I am having the thought that…” before the negative thought.
For example, instead of “I am a failure,” try “I notice my brain is giving me the thought that I am a failure.”
This tiny shift creates space between you and the thought, making it feel less powerful.
Moving Forward with Hope
If your thoughts have been making you second-guess yourself, dwell on past mistakes, or feel stuck in negativity, know that you are not alone.
Thinking patterns developed for a reason, but they do not have to define your future.
So, the next time you catch yourself stuck in a cycle of negativity, ask yourself: What instruction am I following?
And more importantly: Is there a better one I can use? You have the power to choose.
Ready for a re-write? I welcome you to get in touch and I will be happy to talk though some ideas.
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