This is the frustrating part. You know exactly what you want.
You’ve told yourself a thousand times:
“I should just stop doing this.”
“I need to move on.”
“I know better than this.”
Yet, something deep inside keeps pulling you back—
Back into old patterns
Back into self-sabotage
Back into the same emotional loops
It’s frustrating. It feels illogical.
But what if this battle isn’t about willpower or weakness?
What if it’s really a battle between two different parts of your mind that don’t speak the same language?
The Mind-Body Tug-of-War
Your thinking brain says:
“I am safe now.”
“I deserve to be happy.”
“I can trust myself and others.”
But your subconscious mind—the part wired for survival—doesn’t believe it.
“Needing others is dangerous.”
“Staying small is safer.”
“If I let go, something bad will happen.”
“I don’t deserve to feel good.”
This conflict between your logical brain and emotional brain is why you keep asking:
Why can’t I change?
Why do I keep repeating the same patterns?
Why can’t I relax?
Why do I know what I should do, but can’t seem to do it?
The answer is simple:
The part of you that’s holding on to old patterns is the part that doesn’t respond to logic.
It responds to emotion, experience, and deep subconscious belief systems.
And until those beliefs are rewired, you will keep feeling the same pull—no matter how much you “know better.”
Why Do We Get Stuck in These Loops?
I call this ‘The Welding Torch’ of formative experiences.
Emotional intensity is a powerful force—it shapes us, for better or worse. If you’ve ever found yourself reacting in ways that feel automatic, overwhelming, or out of place, you already know how emotions can take on a life of their own.
So why do these emotions keep surfacing in situations where they don’t seem to belong?
Think of your subconscious like a welding torch.
When something deeply emotional happens—especially in childhood—your brain fuses together the experience and your response, creating a lasting imprint. These emotional welds can stay with you, influencing your thoughts, behaviours, and even physical reactions long after the original moment has passed.
Example 1: "My needs aren’t important."
As a child, you needed attention, support, or care.
But others—siblings, friends, or other people around you—seemed to get more attention, while your needs were overlooked.
The emotional heat welds together:
“Other people matter more than me.”
“If I express my needs, I’ll be rejected.”
“Stay small, stay quiet, figure it out alone.”
Now, as an adult, you feel guilt or discomfort when asking for help.
Example 2: "I can’t let my guard down."
You felt safe with a sibling, parent, teacher, or friend.
Then, they became critical, dismissive, or said something wounding.
Their harsh or careless words cut deeply, leaving an imprint that you may not even fully remember.
The emotional heat welds together:
“People can turn on me at any moment.”
“If I relax, I’ll be hurt.”
“It’s safer to stay guarded.”
Now, even when people show love and care, you struggle to trust it—always waiting for rejection or judgment.
Example 3: "I had to hide a part of myself to be accepted."
At some point, you expressed joy, confidence, or playfulness, only to be met with criticism, teasing, or rejection.
Perhaps a parent dismissed you, a teacher embarrassed you, or a sibling’s words wounded you deeply.
The emotional heat burned through a part of you, causing you to cut off or hide that piece of yourself.
Now, you feel a subtle but painful sense of loss, like a missing piece—
A lack of confidence in areas where you once felt free.
A hesitation to express yourself fully.
An implicit belief that it’s safer to hold back rather than be your true self.
These emotional welds are strong.
And unless they are rewired, they keep running in the background, overriding logic, willpower, and even your deepest desires.
Why You Can’t Just “Think” Your Way Out
If you’ve ever tried:
Positive affirmations ... but deep down, they don’t feel true
Forcing yourself to change ... but you always slip back
Trying to ‘let go’ of the past …
but it keeps coming back
… then you’ve seen first-hand that logic alone doesn’t work.
Why?
Because these patterns live in the subconscious mind and the nervous system.
They are felt experiences—not just thoughts.
And that means they must be rewired through felt experiences.
How to Rewire These Patterns & Reclaim Yourself
The same way your brain formed these patterns—through emotional intensity and survival responses—is the same way they can be rewired.
The work is not about:
Forcing yourself to change
Getting over it
Ignoring the past
It’s about:
Going back to the moments where these connections were formed
Bringing the lost parts of yourself home
Rewriting the emotional and sensory associations
This is where transformational therapies like EMDR & RTT come in.
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation & Reprocessing)
Uses bilateral stimulation (eye movements, tapping, or sound) to activate the brain’s natural healing process.
Helps you reprocess past trauma so your nervous system lets go of its hold on you.
Great for people who have clear memories of events that still affect them.
Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT)
A form of hypnotherapy that directly accesses the subconscious mind.
Works with early, preverbal, or deeply ingrained beliefs that traditional talk therapy may not reach.
Helps reframe, update, and rewire emotional learnings at their source.
Both of these approaches go beyond talking about the past. They work with how your brain, body, and emotions store past experiences.
And when these outdated emotional patterns are reprocessed and rewired—they stop running your life.
Are you ready?
Listen to your mind and body as you consider whether you are ready. There may be a part that is scared to going back to times you were hurt, and other parts that know you deserve a great life you can fully participate in.
Both of these parts of you can come to therapy. All are welcome! But you might need a while longer to think about it. You might want a discovery call to simply explore options.
Even if you’re not ready for therapy yet, you can begin taking back control with one simple tool:
Meditation
Here’s why it matters:
It increases the gap between a situation and a reaction
It slows down the brain’s fear network, reducing emotional hijacking
It helps train your nervous system to stay present, rather than being pulled into past emotional patterns
One simple, science-backed technique taught by Harvard researchers is the “Just This” meditation.
How to Do It:
Sit in a quiet space, close your eyes, and breathe naturally.
As thoughts arise, simply say in your mind: "Just this."
Let the thought, feeling, or sensation pass—return to "Just this."
No judgement, no analysis—just awareness and presence.
Because healing isn’t just about the past.
It’s about reclaiming yourself in the present—one moment at a time.
Where Do You Want to Begin?
Are you ready to uncover and rewire what’s keeping you stuck? → Consider RTT or EMDR.
Do you want to start shifting your stress response today? → Try the “Just This” meditation.
Not sure where to begin? → That’s okay too. I am very happy to offer a free call back with you to simply talk through some options. You are in safe hands. I aim to show you how those lost parts, small parts, and scared parts can be updated to match the version of you that you know is possible.
Turning feeling small into feeling mighty.
Turning feeling scared into feeling grounded and contained.
Turning feeling disconnected into feeling supported.
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